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Ok, so my fiasco into weight loss didn’t work as planned. Here I am overweight and having near-death experiences… ok maybe I am being a little dramatic but when you are in bed for a week with chest pains and your physician tells you it’s not your heart but your cholesterol and sugar levels are higher than normal and exercise more and layoff of the carbs and sweets… it’s worrisome. I am an avid fan of all things sweet and I bake. Baking is relaxation for me. How will I do it and not eat the delicious results? LOL!

Where do I start? I think I will take it back to November 2019. I felt ill during Thanksgiving vacation. My family was visiting, and so I prepared a feast with the help of my son and daughter. I cooked enough to feed an army, and we had dessert for days after. On Thanksgiving, before the family sat down to eat, I felt nausea. I thought maybe I was just hungry because I hadn’t eaten all day. I sat down to eat and realized I would not enjoy the meal. My stomach hurt. I nibbled a little, but mostly sat and enjoyed the company of my family. I felt better in the late evening. The next day I ate leftovers. Which is always the best time to eat the food because the seasonings have settled in and it's oh so delicious!

By the weekend, I was having problems with my stomach again. My mom suggested her old school remedies to relieve me. I ended up drinking a cup of fresh ginger tea. It made me feel better. This may be TMI, but she was adamant that I hadn’t taken a “proper bowel” movement lol! I disagreed. Lol. Anyway, after that, I continued eating recklessly. All those pies and cakes I baked found a home in my tummy. By the time the New Year came in, I knew I gained back the weight I lost over the summer. But I refused to step on a scale. The tightness of my clothing was enough for me to know I gained weight. I didn’t need to step on that scale to confirm it. This didn’t stop me from eating. It’s like I just lost control. I woke up in the middle of the night and snacked on sweets. I drank soda like water and only drank water in the morning. Although I ate like this, I couldn’t seem to satisfy my hunger. What I know is I am under a lot of stress right now.

"But I refused to step on a scale. The tightness of my clothing was enough for me to know I gained weight."

Things aren’t going completely as I planned. I am feeling overwhelmed. Then the pains began. At first, I thought, Oh great, I have indigestion. I took a few antacids chewable and called it a day. The next day it came back. This time it was stronger. I didn’t feel any pain down my arms or dizziness or any symptoms related to heart attacks, so I again assumed I was having a run of indigestion. Again I took the chewable, drank some ginger tea. This time it didn’t go away. On the third morning, I would give my chest pains at least a 4/5 on a scale of 10, so I went to urgent care because it was Saturday and my physician was not available on the weekend. I stayed in bed for the rest of the weekend. It seemed too much movement aggravated it. The pain never disappeared, it only seemed to lighten. The only thing I consumed was soup and water.

On day 6, I awoke to the pain again. I went to see my physician. She completed more tests over the next few days. I was not happy with the results. High cholesterol, pre-diabetic, thyroid levels off the charts, it was like nothing I have ever experienced. I was afraid. I can not imagine taking pills daily like many of my friends and family members. I don’t want to live like that… I cried. I was so angry with myself. Now I sit here telling ya’ll my grief and feeling stronger with each stroke of the key. We all have to face death at some point, but we don’t have to create death for ourselves. What I mean is we don’t have to do things willingly to contribute to our deaths. I must find a better way to deal with stress. Eating myself to a heart attack or debilitating stroke is not the answer.

What are some great stress-relieving activities? Writing has always been my way to relax, but I haven’t journaled since I was younger; it may be a pleasant activity to start again. Writing daily and just getting all the yucky stuff out so I won’t feel the need to eat myself into a sugary coma. Daily walking and yoga are also activities I enjoyed, so I will get back to those too. So here I am beginning again - looking at my health and making better choices. Realizing that it is ok to make a mistake or fall short of a goal. What’s not ok is giving up. Until next time. Live, Stay Curious!

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